It occurred to me, while writing about a legitimately disturbing disease, that I haven’t done a fun one for a while. That’s a lie, because it was pretty fun finding zombie pictures for the Cotard’s post, but I started thinking about phobias, and how many different types of phobias there are out there. There are some legitimate ones, like the fear of spiders, diseases, and death, and some legitimate yet watched-too-many-horror movies ones, like the ones we’ll feature today.
Wow. Spellcheck didn’t even flag that one. Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia (there goes the spellcheck!) is the fear of the number 666. Six hundred sixty six is the Number of the Beast, Satan’s favorite lottery number, and the logo of many a death metal band. Revelation 13:17-18 says, “And that no man might buy or sell, save that he had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the best: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.” A lot of people think that the number relates to Nero, but yet a lot of other people are just plain old afraid of the number and when they are at a store and their purchase rings up to $6.66 they pay an extra penny. Just sayin’.
Related to the fear of the NUMBER of Satan, a lot of people are afraid of the HOME BASE of Satan, also known as Hell, Hades, the Underworld, Sheol, Diyu, The Inferno, et al. Why WOULDN’T you be afraid of hell? Really? Flames, eternal torment, no chance of redemption, complete lack of oceanfront property? Terrible!
Again, with the no spellcheck. This is the fear of Friday the 13th. The DAY, not the movies or the guy portrayed in the movies – Jason Vorhees. That’s why I didn’t put a picture of him in. I didn’t want to confuse you. Instead I put in a big yellow graphic with a calendar page on it. Nice, huh? The fear of Friday the 13th has some basis in numerology, but basically it’s all Chaucer’s fault. Look it up.
This is, of course, the fear of ghosts. Of course people are afraid of ghosts. Look at that picture up there? That’s scary! Of course, what most people don’t understand is that ghosts are just “earthbound spirits” who have unfinished business here on earth, so they have to talk to Jennifer Love Hewitt about it, and she has to be wearing something old-fashioned, yet designed to showcase her bosoms, which are, like, her ghost divining bosoms or something. All I know is this, and that is that Ray Parker, Jr. did NOT have phasmaphobia.
Coulrophobia sufferers make a distinction. Their fear is not exclusive to EVIL clowns. It’s ALL clowns. Kramer was afraid of clowns. We’re all a little afraid of Kramer, who was sort of like a clown. Oh, the humanity! Clowns are seriously freaky, though, you have to admit. Unless you’re, like, a clown enthusiast. If you are a clown enthusiast, please write a comment with 5 bullet points regarding why people SHOULDN’T be afraid of clowns. I dare you.